That morning, like any other morning since she was born, I told my daughter that mommy is going to work and that I will miss her and I look forward to seeing her after work. She would either be asleep or when awake, she gives me a loud smack on the lips and she would hug me tight. She would cling and cry a bit but will go to my mother-in-law or her yaya when told to do so.
Today, she hugged me tight and let out a loud cry and said, "No! No! No!"
I am writing this not because my world temporarily fell apart upon hearing her say no. Not once, but three consecutive times. It's not about that, really. Don and I decided early on that we will introduce the word "no" to Julia. Though some parenting experts believe that there are ways to discipline a child without saying no, Don and I would rather say no and explain why. We try to balance it with positive reinforcement.
I wrote about how I felt about being a working mom a few months after my maternity leave ended. So much have changed and after 18 months, I realized that I do not agree with some of things I wrote in that blog post.
I now know that:
- Being a working mom is not being a bad mom to Julia. How I respond to working mom challenges and difficulties will determine if I am a good or bad mom.
- I should not feel guilty about working as long as I know what (or who) my priorities are. I should be able to let Julia know and feel that she is more important than my job.
- Quality time is important. Each time I am with Julia, I should be able to give her my full attention.
- It is my responsibility to make her understand and appreciate my work and not hate or resent it.
- My physical presence is not the only way to make her feel my love and care. There are a lot of ways like calling her, leaving short messages for her, etc. (Learned that from Coach Pia).
- I am not and will never be Darna. Don and I are responsible for my daughter's well-being but as they say, it takes a village to raise a child. I don't have Ding but I have wonderful people around me who loves our family.
I am sad each time I say "good bye and see you later" to Julia before I leave our house. I miss her the minute I step inside my car, knowing that I will not be with her for the next 8-12 hours. I will continue to explain to her and make her appreciate what working means to me and our family. When she is old enough. I know she will understand.
My greatest heartbreak? Hearing her say "no" tells me that she is sad too each time I say good bye and see you later. Her "no" means that she wants to be with me too and how she misses me when I am at work.
There are more heartbreaks to come, I know. Maybe the next one will not be as painful. Maybe not. What do you think? What are your mommy heartbreaks?
There are more heartbreaks to come, I know. Maybe the next one will not be as painful. Maybe not. What do you think? What are your mommy heartbreaks?
